Henry, my husband bought me the Dyson hair dryer AND the Dyson Airwrap Complete. I've coveted these items since I first laid eyes on them about 5 years ago. Every year during Black Friday, I would just look it up to see whether this year I feel as though I can afford such a luxury item. The intention of this post is not to brag about my husband or my life, but a reflection on my thoughts about being able to afford a luxury item at this time in my current context and the abundance mindset.
Late 2022 is the year that I got laid off for the first time in my life. The furlough happened on the last day of our vacation in Hawaii on November 28th, then the official layoff was on December 14th. Most people panic in these situations, but since we had set aside a rainy day fund when we got married, we ended up extending our O'ahu trip of 10 planned days for 2 more days (12 days total).
Despite having an emergency fund, spending $1K on a hairstyler is the last thing on my mind. At a time when I would have done everything I could do to trim our expenses, my husband decided to get me what I always coveted but felt out of reach even during the joint income family days. In truth, perhaps after I got all the big items in life like a single-family home with a garden, my dream electric adventure car, a small business and etc I would then spend on the little luxuries since that's what I was taught. The reality is being able to afford one of those many items in that order living in the Bay Area is currently and potentially out of reach for our family. In short - I would never let myself purchase luxury items like this. Henry wrote in his Christmas card to me to look forward to 2023 after all that 2022 had been for me and I almost bawled. Tears were trickling as I reflected how in 2022 I put on an "I'm fine" demeanor to everyone around me, but I was working through postpartum depression, working through how dynamics with my parents had changed after Abigail was born, a miscarriage, and then most recently a layoff. This gift of not one coveted Dyson product, but two is extremely special to me because it symbolizes the fact that Henry does not fear that the main breadwinner is currently out of a job. In addition, before making this purchase we had discussed during our vacation what I want my next steps to be, and I wanted a true pause from the professional world to explore my pursuit of happiness. Wouldn't you think we would be cutting as many variable expenses as possible? We are, but not out of fear, but out of excitement for the greater gift that he's giving me, which is supporting me through giving myself the headspace and time to invest in myself with no expectations that this duration is going to bring us higher income as a family. More on this in another blog post.
The way we look at money really determines the way we treat those around us and our contentment in life. I want to live a generous life and have an abundance mindset like Henry. I'm embarrassed to admit that I am generous when I feel or believe I have excess. I work diligently because I want to be able to be generous with my resources. In contrast, Henry has a genuinely generous heart because he is generous at all stages of his wealth-building journey. Don't get me wrong, Henry is not wasteful when being generous. He knows how to ensure that we have enough food on the table, shelter over our heads, and enough for our adventures. It may look different depending on how much we have to spend each year since it varies, but all the basics in life are covered.
In 2023, I want to cultivate an abundance mindset and learn to build genuine generosity in my character. This has truly been a journey for me as I continue to reflect on the way God provides at all stages of our life.
In 2019, I remember when I first quit my job at a medical device company where I'd worked for over 5.5 years to try something new, I got anxious within 1 month. I had enough money saved up to last me at least 6 months. Despite having a bit of runway, I got anxious and was itching to start working again. I tried filling my days with studying for the GMAT, taking online classes for topics that I have been curious about, and looking for jobs at tech startup companies that can utilize my skills, but every day felt discouraging and the more time passed the more anxious I had gotten. After being engaged on Feb 2019, this search assumed finding a 9 to 5 job at a tech company that enabled us to live together in San Francisco. San Francisco is one of the most expensive cities to live in. As a comparison, the same rent in SF of $3K a month for 1 bedroom under 650 sqft can get you a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom about 1500 sqft condo in San Jose. Being a Bay Area native, renting in SF feels like throwing away money. Luckily my contacts in my past company had contract work for me to do on the side while I look for the gig I really wanted within 2 months of being unemployed. Despite wanting to do something different, I got suckered in because of the salary made living in SF with my husband doable. Henry at the time lived in SF with half the salary. He just thinks differently. I never understood it, but as I begin to reflect on his mindset versus mine, it revealed that I have a scarcity mindset and he had an abundance mindset.
This year, 2023, I am going to trust that the world has infinite possibilities despite having constraints. I will trust that God will provide a way for me to pursue what makes me want to be immersed in a lifetime of labor because it will bring me joy. It won't just be something I just have to do because I have to. It will be something I get to do and feel the exciting privilege of living the dream. I will believe that after this period, I know an endless list of pursuits to chase after that brings me joy to share with the world and sustain a living to continue the pursuit.
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