We started potty training really early on, but never forced it. When Abigail was around three to four months old our friend taught us about elimination communication. It was amazing. It's literally 2 steps. Pick two different sound for pee pee and poo poo that you wouldn't say too much normally. Then make the sound as you put baby on the potty. Our daughter got it on the second try and consistently eliminated her waste as soon as she sat on the potty for months. We were practicing this regularly, but then went on a month-long trip when she was 7 months old to visit family and didn't feel that purchasing a potty was worth the 5+ weeks we were there. Unfortunately, our little cruiser decided that she did not want to sit on a potty again and ever since then she had not been pottying in the potty.
Fortunately, when she was 2 years old we switched from a home daycare to a Montessori that had open restrooms so children saw other children go to the potty. Our daughter became somewhat receptive to the potty but was still inconsistent. She was terrified of pooping in the potty. There's a different feeling around pooping so she always hid somewhere private to poop in her diaper then came out to find us or the teacher for a diaper change. There was no encouragement or incentive that would work to get her to poop. This is sooooo odd to me because she had no problem when she was 3 to 7 months old. Since we usually shower and go potty at night before bedtime, Abigail had already been consistently keeping her diapers dry after she woke up from sleeping, but it was hard for us to get her to potty first thing in the morning. She always wanted milk first thing so she would eventually soil her nighttime diaper after waking up while drinking milk. Overall assessing readiness is important because it's not something you want to force since it's a life skill that shouldn't have a stigma to it.
Assessing Readiness...
We could tell she was ready because she knows when she is peeing or pooping.
She can keep her diaper dry for a long period of time.
She tells us when her diaper is wet or dry.
She also showed interest by asking to go to the potty.
Around 2 years and almost 4 months old, we decided to take advantage of a summer break she had from daycare and went to visit family in Canada for two weeks. In retrospect, we could have done this earlier, but seriously needed at least a one-week-long "BootCamp" for her since we've tried doing this on the weekends. We probably didn't really try that hard since we didn't remind her consistently during the weekends, but that's where the lesson learned below comes from!
What we've learned
We reminded our toddler to go potty every 30 minutes.
We started stretching the time window from 30 mins to 60 mins, then from 60 mins to 90 mins after observing her patterns of drinking liquids and eating. We set a timer on our watch or phone. She even started to go herself as soon as she heard the timer ring.
She has to potty when she wakes up from sleeping no matter how long it has been.
When going out, make sure to potty before going out, start the clock, then potty in a public restroom when not at home. Don't bother to try to rush home before the clock runs out because getting familiar with different environments is important. Always take toddler to potty before going back into the car to return home. (I've heard that it can be difficult getting a toddler to potty in public restrooms because it's sometimes scary to hear the stronger industrial flush sound so some parents actually bring a potty with them. Our daughter cried about a monster in the toilet when we were going through potty training despite the fact that she had gone many times. She just really didn't want to poop in the potty.)
Wear underwear or go naked all the time no matter what. When she sleeps we put a diaper over her underwear. We were shocked that we had no accidents during nap and sleep time, but as I said above she had already been doing this in the past before we started the bootcamp.
Incentives do work, but not consistently - we used the sticker method, candy, ice cream and basically increased the incentive over time after trying the lower incentives consistently for weeks. (Not everyone wants to do this since potty training is another milestone for your child's growth like walking and talking)
Phase 1: 1 sticker for pee pee and 2 stickers for poo poo. Pee Pee worked, Poop no dice.
Phase 2: 1 sticker for pee pee and 2 stickers for poop & a gummy bear. She pooped once because she would get a gummy bear, but this was still not effective enough.
Phase 3: 1 sticker for pee pee and gummy or chocolate candy & ice cream for poop. This worked haha, but I think in context, it was because our toddler has a huge sweet tooth. We hardly give sweets to her unless it's a special day. We were also consistently working on pottying by keeping her in undies only
Be prepared to take some time off to do this. Some toddlers might get this in a weekend, but to establish consistency and to be able to monitor and help her understand her body and the timing, we spent a week getting this down.
We were always true to the rewards with boundaries. For example, if we said she would get ice cream, but she pooped at night, we promised she will have an ice cream party after eating breakfast.
Here are the tools we used for potting.
Underwear - we got all kinds of underwear at all kinds of price points. She oddly enough liked the most expensive trainer underwear from Hanna Andersson. *Le sigh* We have an expensive toddler.
Potty - This is great because she can sit and it's right for her height so she can do everything herself. There's all kinds of this in the market. We honestly used this since she was 3 months odd so we think it's worth the $30.
Potty Seat to go over regular toilets - we have to help her with this by plopping her on even though she has a little stool to get herself up. Some kids will parkour themselves up, but it's kinda gross because it's a toilet. This is honestly great because you can put this in a bag and take it out with you. We're a bit lazy and don't even do this since we just hold her over the big toilets, but sometimes it's really hard because public toilets are sooooo much bigger.
Our Daughter's Potty Training Diary
Day 1
Every ~30 mins we took her to the bathroom
One accident after nap time, while taking off her diaper to go pee. I couldn't get it off in time!
She pooped in the toilet at night! We had an ice cream party to celebrate despite the fact that it was already 10 PM Eastern Time. Pooping is something she’s afraid to do and has only done once since she turned 2 when she was back home
Day 2
We extended the time window to every 45 mins
We almost went one day without an accident until we went to the store.
She went while we were at the store on the floor then told us she had to potty. We changed her in the car so she won’t soil the carseat
No poop all day! *le sigh*
The lesson here is to find a potty as soon as we arrive to a place then potty before we leave
Day 3
Waited for poop all day. She went to the local park and didn’t have an accident. Yay! She went swimming and most likely didn’t pee in the pool since she had a strong pee after swimming
Didn’t have any poop until after dinner suddenly she asks to go to the potty and she looked as if she was in pain and had a big one haha. We had an ice cream party afterwards. Perfect way to end the night!
The clock had ran past 1 hour and she had a little accident, held it, then asked to go potty. We didn't even discover the accident until I felt that her underwear was a little wet.
She still doesn't always consistently tell us she needs to go yet. Overall she just needs to be trained in knowing how to anticipate pee pee and then telling us when she’s ready and knowing how much time she might have until she can find a potty nearby.
We have not had to use more than 1 diaper for 3 straight days! The one diaper that got used was the one after her nap time that we put over her underwear
Day 4
She pooped today after showering and when it was ready to go to bed. She had been farting all day, but didn’t want to poop. I guess the pressure was too much because she said her “pi gu tong” (her butt hurts). I asked if she wanted to poop and she nodded and it came out sooooo easily. We’ll have an ice cream party after breakfast tomorrow.
She had one tiny accident where she pissed in her underwear while in the office room upstairs. There was a tiny splash on the floor, then she held it in and ran over to tell me she needed to potty and had a strong piss. So strong, we didn’t suspect she had an accident until I checked whether her underwear was wet and it was so we had to find the accident spot.
Overall one tiny accident, but she probably gets asked to go potty at least 10 times a day or more so let’s just say it’s 10 … she’s been 9/10 every single day for 4 days! I think that’s a major win. Poop is 3 out of 4 days. We’ve still only used two diapers the past 4 days. One that got soiled. One that we use over her underwear when she sleeps just in case.
We have a timer set for every 45 mins, but if we forget to remind her she needs to potty before the clock runs, we usually add another 5 to 10 mins. That’s when we’re kind of in the danger zone, but she has done really well. I think overall she can hold it for 2 hours max. 1 hour after a meal since she loves to drink milk and juice with her meals.
Day 5
Only one accident at the park while with grandparents because no one told them the timing for potty
Overall another great day! She asked to poop again.
Day 6
No accidents today!
She told us she needed to poop in the morning and actually pooped. She didn’t scream or say she was scared.
Today it’s been a two-way communication for potty. She told us when she needed to go and we reminded her as well.
We had one hour reminders but she always potties after the hour mark so I think 1 hour is the new safe zone and 1.5 hour is stretching it. I wonder if the climate has an impact since it’s somewhat hot and humid where we are.
Day 7
Accident Free today! 2 out of 7 Days
She asked to poop on her own
Dry Night Time & Nap Time diaper
100% free of naptime & nighttime wetting!
Day 8
She asked to potty & poop on her own this morning. She got ice cream after eating breakfast
Accident-free again!
Day 9 & Day 10
Grandma took care of her while we went on a 2 Day and 1 Night getaway and reported no accidents because Abigail told her whenever she needed to go potty
She pooped twice both days
Day 11
We're concluding she's officially potty trained since she asked to go potty and pooped twice today and didn't once say she was scared. She was so proud she even had all of us go look at her poop. Thankfully it was already covered in toilet paper.
Best wishes to your toddler and your potty journey with them! Training for a boy might look different, but we wouldn't know!
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