It's January 2023 and a few anxious thoughts have started to run through my mind. I initially told myself that I have 3 months of free time to find and build my dream and then I'll start looking for a job that helps me build my dream over the course of my life. Well, in truth, I pray it happens before I'm 40, that's like in 5 years, but I guess it's more realistic to believe it will take 10 years or longer. Before I forget, I want to jot down the three key moments that lead me on this journey. These three moments are special to me because it shows me that someone made it following what he/she loves possible, it's okay to start at zero, and if you can't find a space filled with what brings you joy, you make it.
1st Moment: Reading a magazine about the Head of Procurement at Anthropologie
I do not remember which magazine, when I read about this man, or even his name, but I remember thinking this man described my dream job. My dream job is not to procure for Anthropologie, a store full of beautiful apparel and home goods for young women probably in the 20's to 30's age range. Maybe it's for older women too, but I guess I don't really know. All I know is that this man talks about how he travels the world and combs through flea markets and places to find interesting things. Once he finds something he likes, he figures out a way to bring it into the stores for you and me to look at and potentially add to our home or wardrobe. It's very pricey and I will admit I like walking in to look more than I feel like I can afford to buy, but the point is that somebody travels all over the world to explore all the wonderful goodness and figures out a way to share it with you and me! I want to do that with coffee, tea, chocolate, spices, honey, olive oil, whiskeys, and all the foods I love. That is my ultimate dream.
2nd Moment: The story of the owner of Flour & Water Bakery in Boston
The story I was told when I was living in Boston a few years after I graduated undergrad is a little different than the one I heard a few minutes ago when I found her on MasterClass, but the impact and the feeling of admiration for following what gave her joy is the same feeling I have that is making me force myself to not freak out to hunt for a job at the moment despite this crazy recession and the U.S. being over 31 Trillion Dollars in debt.
I was 23 and I had asked a friend for a recommended list of things to check out in Boston and he sent me a list with a description of the places recommended. Flour and Water a cute bakery that had everything I love was in the recommended places. Her story is my 2nd moment. She had two bakeries at the time when I was briefly living in the greater Boston area. All I was told was that she was a young Harvard graduate who studied mathematics and decided to work in a kitchen for pastry chefs in New York for little to no money because she had little to no experience due to growing up in an Asian household and recent claim to fame was winning the Bobby Flay sticky bun throwdown contest. Her name is Joanne Chang.
That short description is something I'll remember for the rest of my life. Asians growing up with immigrant parents spend their early life (sometimes entire life) trying to make their parents proud by getting into a prestigious college so they can land an impressive job and earn top dollars in order for their parents to feel proud and feel that the sacrifices and humiliation (for many) was worthwhile. The second thing that was surprising, but not so surprising was that she's never learned to bake at home. I could relate since my Chinese parents still use their oven as extra storage for their pots and pans. I believe college was the first time I really learned a little about baking. But I wasn't obsessed with it at the time because I like savory goods a lot more than sweet goods. I know this is surprising to many of my friends because I do like sweets. The people that really know me, know I only eat one or two bites of sweets, but I'll always finish a whole bag of Hot Cheetos by myself. Don't ask me to share my chips, but ask me for ice cream, I'll always have at least a pint in the freezer. The third thing about this story that really intrigues me is how she spent all this money and time getting a degree at Harvard, then decided to bake. When asked whether she thought that her degree was wasted, she responded that her degree really came in handy when she had to scale up her baked goods. I love that she had the bravery at such a young age to follow what she loved despite the fact that she was not very experienced in it. I am going to be starting at zero for whatever I pursue since I never gave myself the mental space to explore. I've always wondered what her family thought about her choice, but I'm sure they see how successful she is now and is proud of the fact that she figured out how to do something she loves. I mean that's the real American dream, right? My dream is to be brave enough to put aside my family's expectations of me and follow what makes me happy to the point it becomes a sustainable source of income.
3rd Moment: Walking into The Kind Matter Store in Canada
I thought I walked into heaven. My kind of heaven. It might be my postpartum depression daze, but this little mom-and-pop type shop in a suburb of Canada was a breath of fresh air. The owner is the buyer and curator of the store filled with green and sustainable home products. There's a refillable station for all your shampoo, conditioner, dish soap, and hygiene needs. There's spearmint rosemary salt soap that I always have a bar of. There are teas in large jars that you can scoop out and purchase by ounce. There are high-grade stainless steel food storage tins and a single-blade razor tool that doesn't support purchasing plastic razor refills. The large majority of the products are all sourced by local makers and every inch of the store has beauty and purpose. There is no plastic packaging. She puts the items you purchase in a brown bag with a stamp of the company's logo. The first time I was there, I had left a 7 month-year-old at home to "get away" and take a break with Henry and I stood by every single shelf for at least 20 to 40 minutes. Henry had to beg me to leave and convince me that I'll have another chance to visit the store again. Why was this store so attractive? This space embodied the type of person I want to be and the way I want to live. When I asked the store manager how did the owner start this store, she told me how the owner spent all this time trying to source home goods that were not damaging to the environment and that all her friends and family also wanted help to find these things. It dawned on her that there was a market for people who want to live like this so she put together a small store and then grew into multiple stores over time. This owner is living my dream life. She curated a space that supports local businesses, helps her children and others live a responsible life that is kind to the earth and is able to support her and her family.
Honorable Mention: My Husband's Resolve to Retire by 40
Henry's definition of retiring is to work for the rest of his life two or three days a week doing what he loves while still bringing in income. That's a very different way to retire, but I guess it has the idea of retirement by not working a 9 to 5 job and only catching up on chores and time with family and friends mainly during the weekends. Henry starts with doing what he loves first. He continues to learn and level up his mastery. While doing that, he finds ways to generate revenue and then looks into complementary skills that he can easily pick up due to the current mastery of skills he has. Guess what, they all generate revenue, and he's happy. For the most part, he sets his schedule. He loves what he does so much, that he gets to do something he loves that we think pays very little, and that's teaching! He teaches what he knows to his YouTube audience. His mastery of these skills has allowed him to generate revenue and fuels his passion to teach and share these skills with others. Ever since I landed the job that paid me the salary I wanted, but slaved away my weekends and nights chained to my computer, I had grown a bit envious of Henry's ability to love his work so much. Sure I made more money, but he was enjoying life all the time. This didn't seem to matter as I had been very proud of being the breadwinner and felt like a strong independent woman who is capable of supporting the family. Then Abigail came into my life and the burnout exhaustion of being a first-time Mama who doesn't know how to take things easy made me feel so worthless and incapable for the first time. My time is no longer just mine and is shared with a capable partner. My time is divided into bits and pieces. My brain doesn't always function. Suddenly my salary was less attractive because the little time I had, doing something I didn't particularly care for, just seemed a bit like slow bearable torture. That's the worst. I am not in so much pain that I want to do something different, but I feel as though I am dying slowly. What's worst is the more I try to learn to get better at my work, the more I felt like I was investing the little time I had to stay competitive or desired in the workforce. Little fears of insecurity build up and life is just so mehhhhh.
In 2022, Henry figured out to make passive income. It wasn't a lot, but he brags about how he did nothing, but with a little bit of setup, money just rolls into an account. He looks at me and says it's just a matter of time before this replaces one of our full-time incomes. He's so ambitious in his own way. I slightly scoff, thinking, "maybe your income, but probably not mine". Deep down, I knew that I was growing envious that he was figuring out how to not always trade his time and energy for money. In fact, he's building a life that gives him more time to pursue what he loves and what he loves like I said above somehow keeps making him money. Even if it's a little, a lot of these little revenue sources will add up. The energy & joy he has when he sees Abigail versus my dread of having another day to get through my exhaustion really made me realize I've been living my life all wrong. But is it possible to find what I love and make money? Maybe for someone like Henry who's a Creative. My skills are more soft skills and they're best in an organization I say. Ugh that dreaded corporate life with a bunch of executives, egos, and doing what's best for the bottom line for investors and stockholders.
What if it's possible for me to follow my nose and my love for food? What if it's possible to follow the fact that I love learning about all cultures through food and being able to take a little bit of each culture into a space that shares this heavenly delicious goodness with others? Isn't that what a ton of small business owners do every day? What if I became a small business owner? What if...
2023 will be the year that I break my limited mindset in areas that do not enable me to do what I love. I don't want to look back at my life resenting my husband or family for not being able to live the life I live because it has been me who's holding me back. No more excuses. Let's do this thing! Whatever this thing is. I truly hope someday I look back and wonder why I didn't start earlier, but everything is going to work out in its time.
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