What is "Living the Dream" exactly? We say this a lot when we are able to do something that just seems like it's more than we deserve, too good to be true, or just when we're simply grateful. But, what is the dream exactly?
Henry and I talked about this at the end of 2020 as we made our New Year Resolutions. One of our goals is to live abroad and experience another culture, lifestyle, perspective, and of course food for a year or two. So we jotted a few sub-goals in order for this dream to come true like getting vaccinated, getting Henry's green card, and figuring out a way to make passive income.
As of May 19th, we are fully vaccinated and excited to not have to wear a mask outdoors, although we still do most of the time. Henry finally got parole (yeah that's what they call the ability for you to travel outside of the U.S. if you're applying for a green card) and employment authorization since March 2021. Making passive income to sustain our family is probably going to take a lot longer than one year. Ideally, we pull this trigger before Abigail turns 5 years old and needs to go to school and have some consistency with friends. Perhaps we should modify that subgoal to having a savings goal that allows us to pull the trigger on living abroad. I guess our Rainy Day Fund can allow us to pull the trigger. Check Check Check --- okay why don't we just pick a country and fly out tomorrow?
We definitely needed to revisit the goal to remind ourselves of the WHY. Secondly, I personally needed to lay out in the open all my fears and mental roadblocks to why I think this dream is most likely just a dream. Henry is very methodical and laser-focused on his goals. Love him for that, but I also imagine and also dread the day I tell him I can't pull the trigger.
My conversation with Henry about my fears ...
Me: Babe, it's a lot of pressure for me to figure out a marketable skill for me to freelance while we pursue a life abroad.
H: Why is it a lot of pressure?
Me: It's easy for you since all your hobbies are income streams, but I've been working for Corporate America AND I just switched industries! I've barely had time to prove that I'm good at what I do and it's on pause because of baby. Truly the confidence to just leave everything and figure things out is quite daunting. Also, I don't feel like I'll be able to contribute.
H: I can figure out a way to freelance and a budget that allows for this life. Also, taking care of A is contributing. What do you think stay-at-home spouses aren't contributing?
Me: That's not what I mean. But it does feel a bit imbalanced. Also, I don't know if I can or want to actually quit my job. The industry I switched to moves a lot faster. What if I'm irrelevant when we come back home?
H: That's a limiting belief. The experience and perspective you gain will make you a far better person, worker, and perhaps you'll gain skills and a way of life that you may never want to come back. The possibilities are endless.
Me: I guess this is why it's healthy to talk about our fears out loud since I feel like I'm running out of excuses, but I know more will come soon if I can't remember why we want to pursue this in the first place.
A bit of background for those who don't know us. Henry is an Architect. He's someone who has fine taste. I shared with Henry how I would love to remodel the guest bathroom and redo the living room and dining room furnishing and to my discouragement, Henry started throwing out a few numbers that instantly made me feel poor despite the fact that we are definitely not poorer than when my parents had to make a living as immigrants in this country. Can't we at least afford this? He goes on to remind me how it's not worth investing in remodeling our home if we're going to have tenants while we live abroad. He truly believes in this dream. I kinda think it's just a dream.
But if we were to dream about the life we want to live it would look something like this...
We will not let ourselves be house poor. I would rather live in a tiny house than feel stuck every single day of my life in order to pay for a mortgage.
We will not let material things weigh us down. You know that feeling when you get a brand new [fill in the blank of expensive nice coveted item] car that costs you a ton of money? When you get that first scratch. It really hurts. The nicer the car, the greater the pain. What a shame. We both like nice things so very much. We'll just admire our friend's stuff from afar.
While we have health, energy, and resources to afford an adventurous lifestyle, this is truly the best time for us. Another now or never moment. Okay maybe not never, but when A and our future children get older, we'll have more excuses not to pursue this dream. We also don't want to make our children excuses for why we did not pursue our dreams.
As much as wine and dining all over the world sound extremely cool, we truly want a learning experience and a way to give back. I've been taught all my life to tithe in church. We are currently not a part of the church, but the concept of giving back a portion of what God gives us as a practice is something I want as part of our family's life.
Also, we will like to learn about how we can be good stewards of what we're given. We believe that God has created this planet for us as humans to enjoy, but to enjoy responsibly. Is there a way for us to eat and drink, but not create harmful waste that hurts the wildlife and fish in the ocean? Perhaps there's a way that we can all live without depleting the rainforest? What if pursuing life abroad means our family can experience the beauty of the earth, learn how life lives in interdependence, and figure out ways we can use the earth's resources without harming it? There must be organizations that exist that we can join for a few months for this experience right?
Henry reminded me, only a small population can afford the luxury to dream of breaking free from the rat race even if it's just for a brief time period. Even a smaller population will dare to break free. We can and we should.
The upside of the experience is unimaginable and potentially life-changing in a way that we will wish we did this sooner. Perhaps someday others will want to do this and we can help. Henry calls it starting a movement.
I fell into my role as a program manager and have been working in that capacity for almost 10 years with an aim of moving in the direction of business development, M&A, or perhaps product management of a SaaS product so that I can see my work create top-line value. After I met Henry, his life example challenged my beliefs that I will never get to pursue my own personal interests AND make a living. In fact, I truly believe, that in order to make a living, I have to fit in and figure out a way to create value with my skillsets within an existing structure. This belief, however, makes me fear not "being enough" and creates a lot of discontent with missing pieces of what the ideal thriving company should look like. This belief is so deep-seeded that I do not even know what my interests are. I have not really spent time pursuing my personal interests, however, I've spent a lot of time pursuing the company's interest and can usually spew off ways to improve the company I am at. In Henry's way of thinking, there's so much that's up to him. That's also scary, but there's freedom in believing that you can pursue your interests and dreams AND still afford to live comfortably.
Living abroad for our family for a couple of years is our dream and Plan A. Plan B is the default rat race that I've found myself stuck in.
What is your dream?
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